Goodbyes!

A friend of mine once took a poll and asked how many people would you die for....

Several responded the number of fingers on one hand, the number of fingers on both hands, anyone. Yes, I was one of those who responded to anyone.

Well, last Saturday, that truth came to life. Of course, it wasn't me, but one of my closest friends did. Christy, my team mate at University of Phoenix, of two years, died of a heart attack. She was younger than me. She has left a husband and a toddler daughter.

The past few nights as I have laid down to sleep, I have opened my bible to where it lands and cried out to God, "Take me instead! She didn't know You and I tried to show her You. She wasn't ready." Is that my call? No! In the past two years, I used to debate with her for hours over Christ. She would be so defiant about the subject, but I never gave in. I gave her love, trust, care, and a true friendship.

I have dealt with death before and I know the stages that the grieving goes through. Right now, I am angry with her! I know I have to go through the motions and will as God allows me to.

Tonight, our class met and a grievance counselor was there. We cried, laughed, and shared memories. We each learned what Christy brought to each of our lives that we will remember. It was nice meeting. Now, we wait for the service and the healing to continue. Something the Counselor said was...."We don't know the bigger picture, but maybe she had to die for that picture to happen." Thank you Lord, for that epiphany.

We have learned that the University is going to graduate her and give her family her teaching Degree! YAY and thank you UOP (we are all so very close to that date). We, as a class, will be writing her mother a letter (each one of us) that will describe what and how Christy touched our lives (we will give this to her at Christy's memorial).

I resort back to the first paragraph, because, Jesus comes into VIEW! Jesus died for EVERYONE! He died for Christy, but Christy never came to Christ. That notion, hurts the most for me. Yes, I miss her! Yes, I am angry with her! Yes, I want to call her hoping that she will answer on the other line! But the biggest feeling I have is knowing that I will not see her again. God, please show Your mercy? I know the rules, but I can hope!

My FREAD, as I call her (I once sent her an e-mail spelling FREAD instead of FRIEND and she never let me down on that - her nickname for me was FREAD).

I miss you FREAD! I miss you CHRISTY! I miss hearing you laugh. I miss hearing each other cry. I miss you being CRAZY SILLY!

I MISS YOU!